After a couple has known each other intimately for some time, the thrill of sex may die down and the act becomes routine and in some cases boring. Sex meditation can help bring the spice back into lovemaking. How? It’s a question many couples struggle with. But there’s hope!
If sex has become routine, you are not ‘there’ mentally. You’re thinking about other things while going through the physical motions. And, those physical motions have become so habitual that you don’t think about them anymore. Anytime a physical or mental act becomes habitual, the neural connections have created neural superhighways where everything is on auto-pilot. This frees up your mind for other thoughts.
Think back to when you and your partner couldn’t take your hands off each other. Was there ANY room in your head for thoughts other than the moment?
So, part of the problem may be that one or both of you has allowed the habits to take over; you’ve settled into the routine and you’ve stopped being present with each other. Yes, it’s comfortable, it’s familiar… and it’s boring.
If you aren’t fully in the moment and you are distracted, you project that mental/emotional absence energetically. Your partner picks up on your distracted vibe and starts to wonder about their performance, their body or relationship; or you pick up on your partner’s distractedness and start second-guessing your attractiveness, performance, the status of your relationship, etc. Then the limbic brain (the reptilian brain) goes into panic mode (fight or flight) because you, your partner or both begin fearing that the relationship is not headed in the right direction.
What happens during the fight-or-flight response? Blood vessels in parts of the body that are NOT essential to running or fighting constrict. And, there goes any hope of, well, performance.
Great sex is more than about showing up. It’s about being present, completely tuned in to yourself and your partner. Of course the emotional connection is essential and if you’re feeling that the connection just isn’t there, that your partner has checked out of the act of making love, you’ll have to re-establish that connection.
How can you become more connected emotionally, and how can you become more present in the moment? Sex meditation. Meditation teaches you to be fully present, and being present is one of the best things you can do for your relationship! And you can take it a step further and engage in sex meditation with your partner for an intense bonding experience like no other.
What Happens in the Brain and the Body During Meditation and Sex
Meditation suppresses activity in the amygdala, which secretes the fight-or-flight hormones. And, it stimulates the anterior insula, or the “information highway” which connects physical actions and emotions. This is the part of the brain that helps you be fully in the moment and heightens the experience.
When you increase the thickness and activity of the insula through meditation, you become more attuned to the present moment and emotionally connected to your partner. When you are emotionally connected to your partner, your perception of physical experiences is heightened.
Sounds good so far, right? And that’s just the clinical explanation!
Let’s look at what happens to the brain during meditation and during sex:
- Meditation and orgasm both result in dissolved self-awareness (you are completely caught up in the moment)
- Sex and meditation result in a silent mind free of mental chatter
- Sex and meditation dissolve physical boundaries
Meditation will help you create the relaxed mental environment in which you are fully present (free of mental chatter and distraction); it helps you use your imagination in a completely free and uncensored way; and it helps you become attuned to your body, your thoughts and your emotions.
Use the Silva Method to meditate, to improve your visualization powers and to become more intuitive. Yes, intuition is a part of great sex, too! Intuition helps you become attuned to your partner’s emotions and energy, and being more attuned to your partner makes you a better lover!
Whenever we are totally absorbed in an activity, we reach a point where the mind is simply not involved (with its incessant monologue) and we move beyond the mind into the silence and bliss that is at our core. It has nothing to do with what the activity is – in fact, we often believe that it is the activity that creates the no-mind state, when in reality it’s the no-mind state that creates the feeling of total absorption and full presence.
Sex Meditation – Making Love Without Having Sex
During sex meditation, lovers will sit in meditation together – facing each other but not touching – and meditate on the experience of sexual desire. It is similar to meditating on emotions, where you become aware of your emotions without getting on the train of thoughts that generated them.
In sex meditation, the couple sits together, feeling their desire and attraction for each other without acting on those feelings (that happens later). This inward focus and emotional connection to one’s partner creates an awareness of the difference between the physical sensations and pleasures of sex and the bliss of self-less oneness and stillness. Sometimes, one may experience full-body orgasm (with no physical contact!).
Sex meditation strengthens the couple’s connection, builds present-awareness and is always a great prelude to the actual physical act itself.
There is no reason to allow your love life to become stale and boring, even with a long-time partner – in fact, many long-term relationships have endured because of the extraordinary intimate connection that sex meditation creates. Add sex meditation to your love life and watch your love re-ignite the flames of passion!